Introduction by Butch Walker

Refined Family is founded on the idea that the Lord uses the refining fire of trials in our lives to reveal the dross that is often hidden and to purify us from it, making us more like Christ. But the fire is not a comfortable place to be, so we always try to begin by reassuring the sufferer that they are not alone, that they are not crazy for what they are feeling, and that this is a safe place. Then, once we’ve established that we look to remind each other that God is good, that His promises are true and that He is faithful to keep them, even if it doesn’t always feel that way. Finally, once we are able to see some measure of the good that God has accomplished, we want to be faithful to rejoice with one another and glorify God for His faithfulness.

But sometimes God’s faithfulness doesn’t necessarily mean that outward circumstances get better. Sometimes the outer self wastes away while God renews us inwardly (2 Cor 4:16). That was the case for Denise, a 37 year old woman who went to be with the Lord on Monday morning, February 26, 2019 after many years of suffering with illness. Yet the evidence of God’s faithfulness could not be more striking in her life and I want to invite you to rejoice with me in the redeeming hand of God.

My wife and I met Jason and Denise through our church. Denise played the flute in our church orchestra and my wife got to know her through the women’s ministry. But we really got to know them in 2011 when they asked for some help in working through some issues they were dealing with personally and in their marriage. Over the months and years that followed, the four of us became good friends.

When we first met Denise, she was suffering with migraines and seizures. Though she had struggled with migraines for most of her life, the seizures had started when she was in college and they were a huge medical mystery for the doctors for some time. Many good local doctors struggled but could not find the problem that was causing them until finally a top neurologist in Michigan diagnosed Denise with dysautonomia.

Dysautonomia is an umbrella term used to describe several different medical conditions that cause a malfunction of the Autonomic Nervous System, which controls the “automatic” functions of the body that we do not consciously think about, such as heart rate, blood pressure, digestion, dilation and constriction of the pupils of the eye, kidney function, and temperature control.

Little did we know that the seizures were just the beginning of her battles with dysautonomia. Denise would have problems with her blood pressure, narcolepsy, her digestion, and her temperature regulation, among other problems. Eventually, her digestive system stopped working completely, which is what ultimately led to her death. But along the way, she endured many years of pain and struggle, hope and disappointment as the disease progressively shut down one system after another.

But when we first started talking with Denise, she wasn’t coming because of the physical problems. She came because, at the time, she was also wasting away inwardly. Denise was really struggling with sin and she didn’t know how to overcome it. Throughout her life, Denise had faced many challenges, both physical and otherwise. Like many of us, she had tried to protect herself from these things by finding some means to take control of her circumstances. For Denise, some of what she had learned to do to control her circumstances was sinful and it had now become a pattern that was significantly harming her and those closest to her. She had tried many things to control her sinful behavior but had not been able to conquer it. So we began meeting regularly to try to, among other things, help her find freedom from this destructive behavior.

About six months into our regular meetings, there came one particular night that I remember very well. She had reached a point of brokenness. That night of April 19, 2012 the Lord did a miraculous work. Denise recognized that, though she had given her life to Jesus Christ many years before, she had not been letting Him have control of her life but had been trusting in herself and her own understanding. She prayed a beautiful prayer of confession and surrender and gave herself fully to the Lord. From that night forward, things began to change.

Denise’s countenance visibly changed. There was a new sense of joy and peace that she experienced and she felt assurance of her place with God for the first time. It was beautiful to behold! Over the years that followed, Denise grew in her faith in powerful ways! She didn’t change overnight, but she began to change that night. The Holy Spirit was hard at work, transforming her thoughts and desires.

While the disease progressed, she literally was being renewed inwardly at a remarkable rate.

About a year ago, Denise knew that her illness was progressing. She loved worshipping God by playing her flute and she knew that soon she would no longer be able to do that, so she recorded herself playing some of her favorite songs of worship. Along with those recordings, she wrote out her reflections on what each of those songs meant to her. I want to share these recordings with you, along with her reflections, so that you may give witness to the inward renewal and glorify God with me.

Glory to God Alone